Hidden Feelings
by Angelia
Summary: i've updated. got rid of one of my interludes. and replaced it with this. cheers.
1. Jimmy Bean

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or its' characters, such as Seifer, Fujin, Raijin, who are namely the main characters of this story. Oh! Story is mine, since I wrote it, but all the people in it aren't mine. If you think about it, I don't own the story either, since Squaresoft(brilliant people) inspired me to write such a horrible fic that will corrode your simple minds. MWAHAHAHA.*coughs and weezes* sorry, I never did make a good bad dude.^_^  
  
Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter One-Jimmy Bean  
She sat on the floor of her bedroom, swirling the drink she held in her hand idly. The darkened room welcomed her depressing mood that her temper emitted. The silver-haired girls' thoughts ran wildly within her mind. Her gaze was ficsated upon the gray carpet that lay before her. It just served another reminder why she was alone, yet companied by Jim Bean once again.  
(He's my best friend, yet I feel more than a friendly feeling for him. I love him. He doesn't even notice though. He spends all his time with blonde bimbos who dress and act like Barbie. They're the type of girls he's into. Beautiful and dumb. He likes them that way. It makes it all the easier to swoon them over and sleep with them. He'll never notice me or care for me more than just a friend. We're a posse, there can't be anything between us.)  
"Oh Seifer, why can't you see me? Why can't you see the real me?"  
(I feel so sick. I wonder if they notice I'm gone. Probably not, that bitch is occupying all of them. Those fucking assholes. Can't they see through her plastic decor? /They can't see through yours, why would they see through hers?/ Because I'm invisible to them. /You're only invisible because you make yourself out to be like that./ I do not. /Oh, but you do. Bland hair, bland skin, same dress code everyday. You're boring./ Well then, I guess I need to change don't I? /I guess so. Well then, let's hop to it!/ But I want him to notice me and care for me, for me. It's not about images. /Yes it is. Everything is about images these days. You've seen the way he picks his ladies./ *sighs* You're right, you know. /No, we're both wrong. He wont ever notice us, because he simply doesn't notice us./ I don't care, I'll make him notice me. /Do what you like./ I will.)  
"Hey Fujin!"  
Fujin looked up at her dormitory door. She sighed slightly as she got up and unlocked her door. She tousled her hair as she let a large cinnamon man inside her room.  
"HI"  
He looked at her strangely for a moment then abruptly broke the awkward silence.  
"you left kinda early, ya know."  
She nodded silently as she turned away and opened up her closet.  
"BORED"  
He frowned at her statement and talked to her softly.  
"c'mon Fujin, you can talk normally 'round me. No one's 'round, ya know."  
She ducked in her closet and brought out her shuriken. She then attached it to her arm and looked at Raijin thoughtfully. (I wonder why he's acting so sweet to me. He wasn't earlier. They were both flirting with that darling lil' slut. Seifer's probably boinking her right now. ugh. /Oh, what a pleasant image to think about./)  
"FIGHT. BYE"  
She walked past him and out her dorm, heading towards the Training Center. Raijin frowned once more as he noticed the amber-filled glass that was placed on her floor. He bent down and picked it up. He sniffed the contents and his noise recoiled at the scent of the strong liquor. He lowered his head and looked at the ground sorrowfully as her footsteps trailed off into the distance. As Fujin passed Seifers' room, she could hear moaning. Wet droplets silently hit the floor as she started to gain speed as she began to run. 


	2. Mutilation

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, nor its' characters. Though, if Squaresoft(love 'em) would be kind enough to let me have 'em, I'd be kindly enough to take 'em. Tee hee ^_^ Just borrowin' them for a while, I promise I'll bring them back in top condition...if they make it through the story. Haven't figured out if I should kill off...nevermind. Love you!  
  
Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter Two-Mutilation  
As the days rolled on, Fujin seemed to be isolating herself from everyone, including Seifer and Raijin. Seifer shrugged it off and seemed to think it was nothing but PMS or some 'chick thing' as he so plainly described it to Raijin. Raijin, on the other hand, knew Fujin better than that and decided to talk to her later on. He sensed something was bothering her.  
She was in her room as she was in there for the past few days. She listened to Poe or Akino Arai while she got smashed with her good old buddies Bean, Scotch, and Gin. There was a loud knock on the door and she told them that it was open. Her vision was obscured, but she knew from the outline of the figure that it was Raijin. He snickered loudly and walked over to her. He then snatched her drinks from her. "Hey!" was all she could get out of her slurring voice. He went in the small kitchenette of the now SeeD, and started to make some coffee. After a few minutes he came back with a mug of steaming hot hazel nut scented BLACK coffee(rolls right off your tongue doesn't it? Tee hee ^_^). He made her drink up the whole cup, which in turn made her start gagging.  
"You should've thought 'bout that before you got drunk."  
"I'm not drunk."  
"Well it doesn't matter, that shit will wake up the dead."  
"Tell me about it."  
He chuckled lightly, but looked at her sorrowfully. (Why would she do this to herself? Oh, Fuu...my lil' sis. Why you puttin' yourself through this hell?) She let the empty mug slide out of her hands and fall to the gray carpet. Raijin turned the mug up right and slid his arms underneath her. He picked her up gently and placed her on top of her bed.  
"Oh Fuu, you're gonna rest now. No more drinkin', k? You're just hurtin' yourself, ya know?"  
She snuggled up against her pillow as he tucked her in. He picked up the mug and threw it in the sink. Afterwards, he strode over to her door and opened it up quietly. Even if she was probably dead asleep he still was aware of how she was a light sleeper. "Night Fuu. Talk 'bout it tomorrow, k?" He locked the door behind him and left silently. If only he noticed the long white sleeves hiding her wrists, and how they weren't so white anymore.  
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A/N: If Fujin seems sorta outta character, well that's 'cause of me (obviously). Well, Fujin and I, have a lot in common. I'm sorta a "tom boy" I dress in black all day and instead of saying "RAGE" and kicking people I say "fuck off" and I hiss. *smiles sweetly* And, I have that thing where I hang with this one guy, yet secretly admire him from a far. He's also blonde! And everyone says I'm paler than the snow, so...oh well. I guess, because we have a lot in common. She took on my characteristics. Oh well. *grins sheepishly* if you don't like it, flame me, but just recognize that they will be hung out to dry and laughed at as the buzzards that fly around my presence eat away at your stupid remarks. Review please, or I drop story. :) 


	3. Bloody Rage

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, nor its' characters. Just borrowin' them for a while. ^_^ I also don't have a dime, nor a nickel, or a penny. So, sorry if you were plannin' on suein' me. I'm a poor lil' girl with only her hopes and dreams to become a great writer. On to the story!  
  
Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter Three-Bloody Rage  
She woke up with a hangover that made her heart and mind beat together. She raised herself up and immediately regretted it as she ran[more like stumbled] as fast as she could to the bathroom. After spraying half of a can of Lysol, she went into the kitchen and got out a tub of vanilla ice cream. (See, another plain thing about you. Your taste is as plain as your lifestyle. I may be plain, but that's how I am, live with it. Sheesh, look who woke up on the wrong side of the bed.) Fujin plopped down on her hard bed and started to eat the ice cream slowly. She looked outside and frowned. The sunlight was blocked off by the gray clouds that passed across the sky. After a few mouthfuls she got distressed and decided against the ice cream. She got up and put the rest of the ice cream back into the freezer. She quickly shredded her clothes and her eye patch as she got ready for a long soothing shower. As the icy waters cascaded over her body, she changed the knobs so the water was hot and searing. The steam rolled off of her cold body and formed a foggy screen around her. Her body was riddled with sobs as her tears were well camouflaged by the tumbling waterfall. As she got out, she slipped and fell on the hard tiled floor. She breathed raggedly as she got up slowly and looked herself in the mirror. Even after a well deserved shower, she still looked like shit. She sighed lightly and shook her head. Deciding this was the day she would change herself. (Maybe changing myself will make me feel better about myself...or maybe you're admitting that you are plain and need to change. Just look at it this way, change is strange, but it's also good. Yea, I guess so, maybe it'll make me happy too.) She quickly brushed her hair and dried it with her quiet style hair dryer. She turned on her radio and the loud tunes of Disturbed played out of the speakers.   
"It doesn't really seem like I'm getting through to you!" Fujin started to sing. (This song is just like your life. I guess so, sorta. You talk to Seifer, yet it doesn't seem like he cares, or your words are much to him.) She grabbed her eye patch and put it on. Then she went to her closet, and looked inside for some appealing clothes. Her usual outfit hung there, waiting to be put on. She grabbed a pair of black shorts and a white tank top. She dropped her towel and quickly replaced her bare skin with her undergarments and her "new" attire. Then she grabbed the black coat and that Raijin got her for her birthday. She opened her door, locked it, and walked out. Heading towards the Cafeteria, to go find Raijin and Seifer. When she got there, Seifer was already sitting with that patronizing chick who she recognized as the blonde bimbo from the day before. Her eyes narrowed into small slits as she held up her head without wavering. She muttered something that sounded like "itch" under her breath as she walked over to *their* table.  
"Hey Fujin." Seifer said as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. He was too preoccupied with the little slut to even look at her fully. The bimbo purred as Seifer trailed his hand across her cheek. Fujin growled lightly and Seifer finally looked over at her.  
"Nice outfit, Fuj."  
She smirked at him sarcastically. He noticed her upset attitude and frowned slightly.  
"Is something wrong, Fuj?" He asked slightly concerned. "Raijin told me you've been acting strangely lately. He's very worried about you." (Raijin may be worried, but I bet you're not Seifer.)  
"FINE."  
He looked at her with a sideways glance, then turned towards his playmate. He whispered something in her ear, she nodded, and left them to chat.  
"Fuj, I know you better than that. 'FINE' with you means just fucking peachy. What's up Fuj?"  
He patted the seat next to him, she sat down and sighed. He looked at her weary form and frowned even more.  
"SICK." His features turned into a mess of concern. "You're sick? you gonna be okay?" She shook her head, indicating no. "SICK....of everything." She added the latter silently. He looked around and noticed all the people taking in their food humbly.   
"How 'bout we talk privately Fuj. It's kinda crowded here."  
She nodded silently and followed him out of the Cafeteria. They walked slowly down the hallways. Seifer with his head held up high, and Fujin looking at the ground and her feet. It's almost as if she felt like she was in trouble. Like she were the prisoner and he, like in her dreams, the great golden hero. (I wonder where we're going) She followed him all the way to the second floor where they both entered the Disciplinary Committee Room (should've known.) He let her in first and closed the door after he entered.  
"SO?" She inquired as she sat down in the steel chair and began to stare at the gray table.  
"Raijin has been very concerned about you Fuj." He paused as he shifted uncomfortably. (And you Seifer, are you concerned about poor ol' Fuu? Of course not.) As if he read her mind he continued. "Fuj, I'm also beginning to worry. This is the first I've seen you in days. And every time you seem to look worse. What's happening Fuj. Raij tells me you're drinking!?" She avoided his eyes at best, but couldn't any longer, so, she looked up. (this feels like a lecture.)   
"Sorry for having a life outside of you, Seifer"she hissed.   
He stepped back as if he were bitten by a rabid dog. At this reaction, she looked down at her hands. (Yell at me, Seifer. Tell me what a dog I truly am. The fat black cat with the one eye. The stray that you took under your wing. Tell me you're sick of me, too.) He walked towards her hesitantly.  
"Fuj, if you have a problem, you know me an' Raij are right here supporting you. We're a posse, we look out for one another." He placed a hand upon her shoulder.  
"I don't need help. I'm just sick of everything. okay!?"  
Her voice began to crack and a single tear fell from her eye. He didn't know what to do, he just stood there with his mouth open wide. (Oh Fuj, what can I do to make you feel happy? I know you're upset. I wish I could just kiss your pain away, but I'm not even that brave. Please don't cry.) She stood up, and ran out the door, pushing him roughly out of her way. She ran to the nearest bathroom, knowing he'd follow her to her room. She wiped wildly at the tears that flowed from her eye. Quickly, she checked the bathroom stalls for any individuals. Then she crouched down and pulled a razor out of her shoe. As the tears fell silently down the drain of the sink, so did her blood that reaped from her soul and her wrists.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N:Hehehe...what to do now...*smiles deviously at you all* I'm not afraid of your rotten veggies, so hah! *proudly stands where she is* Did you like the "black cat with one eye" that was a reference to the greatest poet ever(no, not me), Edgar Allen Poe. Also, Disturbed that lil' quote was from the song "The Game"...awesome cd, you should go buy it. Really hits the spot with RAGE. *smiles* love ya! Review, you are really givin' me the boost here! Hitori and Pink, thank ya *winks ^_~* 


	4. Flatline

Disclaimer: *lil' tune starts like Barenaked Ladies*"If I had a billion dollars(if I had a billion dollars...), I'd own Squaresoft and Seifer, I'd be rich." But since I'm not. I guess we'll just have to tear out the old "I'm centless and I own nothing here except the story since I wrote it" Love ya all.Hee! ^_^  
  
Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter Four-Flatline  
White light bounced upon her eyelid, piercing her dreadful nightmares. She rose to the scents of fresh cut flowers and the cold touch of a hand. Her eye fluttered open swiftly and was immediately bombarded with pure white light. She clasped her eyes tightly together to keep the protruding light at bay. There was a stroke of a thumb upon the back of her hand. A hard calloused hand caressed her milky soft skin. She stirred silently, but was abruptly stopped by the aching pains within her body. He lifted his head at the motion of his friend. He said something, but she couldn't make out the words. She opened up her eye slowly so the light wouldn't burn her again. He held her hand tightly and whispered softly. Everything was spinning so fast, she couldn't keep up with it. She couldn't breathe, it was so tight, she needed air. Her gasps came out raggedly and there was swift movement to her right. A push of a hand to keep her down, and a loud beeping noise. It was screaming in her ear. Screaming, piercing, just like the light. It hurt her so badly. The room wouldn't stop swimming around her mind. There was a yell, and a scream, and then nothing. Darkness elapsed around the small figure. Everything was gone.  
The woman in white worked her magic upon the frail girl, shocking her with bits of electricity. There was a loud dead screeching. After several tries, she began to cry for the young lady. Thoughts swarmed about in her head. Screaming for a pulse, anything, but the long drawn out sound of flatline. (C'mon...c'mon! You can't go. One more time.) The last bit of shock ended the screeching and replaced it with a light beeping sound. She sighed in relief and proceeded with checking on her patient. The young male standing over the weak girl, held her hand as he sighed as well. (Don't do that again, Fuj.) The woman checked the girls' forehead and found she was freezing.  
"What's wrong with her?" he whispered.  
"She couldn't handle the pain, she must've went into shock."  
"will she be alright?" his concerned voice asked.  
"Honestly, I don't know."  
Days later, she awoke again. She stirred slightly, and found her hand was clutched by another rough hand. What her vision allowed her to see was quite a sight. Azure eyes were staring at her with such concern it made her chest tighten with pain. He smiled lightly as her senses became more vivid. She noticed how softly he actually held her hand. She tried to lift her head, but it was too heavy for her. He lifted one hand to brush a few silver locks out of her way. Once again pain resounded through her body, but was soothed by the cold sheets wrapped around her small form. A familiar woman came into the room, who immediately smiled brightly as she looked over towards her.  
"Oh, good. Sleeping beauty is finally awake." She whispered softly.  
"Will she be okay now?" Her friend asked hesitantly.  
"She should be. Though, I'd advise her to get more rest. She's in quite bad shape, Seifer."  
"I know. But she's strong, she can make it."  
"I'm sure she can." She replied sympathetically.  
"Sei..." The young girl squeaked out.  
"shh...it s'okay Fuj. You take it easy, just take it easy. I'm right here." Seifer told her soothingly.  
She nodded her head lightly, but found it to be answered by a huge throb of pain that protested. He stroked her face lightly as well as her hand. "Sleep" was all she heard from him as she slowly drifted into the strong arms of Morpheus, Lord of Dreams.  
Talk was all over the garden about how the albino was found. A small junior wandered into the bathroom and found Fujin lying in a pool of her own blood. The young girl weak at the sight of blood ran out screaming for help. When help came she helped show where Fujin was, and ended up throwing up all over herself. Though, the largest gossip piece was why? Everyone was determined to find out why Fujin did it, or tried to. Seifer over heard some guy saying she probably was sick of being so ugly, she tried to kill herself. After being confronted, the boy was rushed to the infirmary with a bloody nose and a sore groin. Wherever Seifer went, tension seemed to grow, since the incident with Fujin was the talk of the whole garden. For the most part of it, Seifer spent his time in the company of Fujin. Raijin often came to visit her as well. The odd thing was, Squall and the others sent flowers with a nice card which read 'Hoping you'll get better'. Seifer felt as if it mocked them, but Raijin seemed to think it was "sweeeet". They both knew Fujin would probably side with Seifer and snort out "MOCK.", but they hid the card from her. Although Fujin was usually quiet, she didn't make a peep. She was absolutely silent. The last time she said anything, was the second time she awoke. Seifer thought she was trying to push them out, but why would she do that. (Please, Fuj. I care a lot for you. Please don't block us out, don't block me out. If anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I'd do...Stay strong for me. We can get through this together, I know it.) Sometimes he would catch her reading her book written by Anne Rice. Raijin brought it over with him and a few other small utensils. Most of the time, she would just sit and stare out the window. He never tried to push her, because Doctor Kadowaki told him to take it easy with her. She told her to give her time.  
"Fuj. I'm gonna go get some food, you want something?" He asked her softly.  
Her stare broke and she looked at him. She pursed her lips together and nodded silently. He sighed and took her hand gently.  
"I know, you're upset with me, because of our argument. I also know I don't want you to go Fuj. You really scared me, you're still scarin' me. I just...I just need you to hold on for me. If not for me, than for yourself Fuj. You don't deserve the pain you're putting yourself through. I didn't mean to get you this upset..I really didn't, Fuj." She blinked silently at him, and she smiled sadly. A single tear fell down her eye and he quickly brushed it away.  
"I'll go get you something, I'll be right back, k?" He told her, bringing the conversation tension to an easier level.  
"k." she whispered softly. He smiled brightly at her and got up and left.  
Mere moments later, she rested her head against the pillow and closed her eye. A blue bird sat on a tree branch outside the window. It whistled its' song softly. She opened up her eye again and watched it hop around then finally closed her eye again. While listening to the sweet melody of the bird, she wondered. (I almost...I almost died. Seifer's being so kind to me. He's never been this gentle before, well, except for the time I lost my eye. He's only being kind to me, because he almost lost me. I wonder what he would've done if I truly was gone...) She sighed lightly and shifted under the sheets. Picking up her book she began to read silently. "Understand what you see. When you see me. Please Seifer, understand the feelings I hold for you is much more than friendship. Don't be afraid of me." she mumbled quietly.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N:See, everything is okay...for now *plots deviously* *also loves that word 'deviously'* mweeheehee. Anyways, tell me what ya think. Oh yea, umm "Understand what you see. When you see me." is from The Vampire Lestat written by Anne Rice. I'd italize the title, but I don't know how to. If i did, half of the thoughts would be italized too. *pouts* anyways. review please, since that's the only reason I'm keepin' this up. Also, *frowns* I'm on vaca right now. So, that's why I've been able to write so much. Later on, chapters wont come out so easily. Well since, I had ONE review for this chapter. I don't think I'm gonna put up chapter five(which is done), until I get some reviews for this chapter. I need critizism for this chapter, since it seems no one likes it *cries* oh well *shrugs* 


	5. Stubborn Persuasion

Disclaimer:don't own 'em, Squaresoft does. Got it!? okay. ^_^  
  
Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter Five-Stubborn Persuasion  
He watched her sleeping form. Her beautiful silver mane dancing softly around her shoulders as the wind shifted it restlessly. He stroked her pale face lightly, while he looked at her longingly. Deep within his stern mind, he wished he could just hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. If only they could be together. (Hyne, must I endure this pain any longer. I wish she could understand, how much I truly care for her. But she never would. She'd look at me like I'm freak. It'd never work. She's like this because of me. Probably tired from following me around for so long. Oh, Fuj.) He had his hand wrapped around her hand, he's had it that way since he was in there. He picked up her hand and brushed it against his face. (If only this were real, where you were brushing my face by choice. What happened to you Fuj? Why'd you start drinking, why'd you hurt yourself. Why?) Doctor Kadowaki came inside her room and looked at Seifer sorrowfully.  
"Seifer, I'm sorry to disturb you, but...we have to talk."  
"sure...what 'bout?"  
"Well, Fujin."  
"is something wrong? You said she was going to be fine." Worridly, he stood up.  
"physically, Seifer, but mentally, she needs help."  
"what are we going to do about it?"  
"I think it would be in Fujins' best interests to be admitted into the finest facility. Where she can get professional help." She answered him quietly.  
Seifer was silent for a long period of time. Unbeknowest to them both, Fujin lay wide awake, but hidden beneathe the security of her eyelid. (No...Seifer don't give me up. I'll be good. Just don't let me go. Don't let them take me away from your sunlight.) He shook his head back and forth slowly.  
"It's not up to me. You have to talk to Fujin. Even if it were up to me, I wouldn't let you take her." He stated firmly.  
Dr. Kadowaki looked at him suspiciously, but understood plainly that their friendship was too deep to mess with. Fujin sighed silently in relief. Dr. Kadowaki nodded in silent contempt.  
"Well then, I doubt she'll be any easier to persaude. You both are one of a kind. Though, the facts stand, she needs help, and the question is, how do we help her?"  
Fujin opened up her eye and spoke softly, "I don't need help, and you can't force me to get any. I wont admit myself."  
They both looked surprised at her sudden admittance to the conversation.  
"Well then, I suppose it is best for you to stay around your friends, but you need help. No matter what you think, Fujin. Killing yourself is not an answer."  
Fujin nodded silently, and crossed her arms. As if she suddenly felt very cold, left out. (They may be accepting the fact that I'm fucked up, but they make me feel so outside. All I wanted was to be accepted and loved by Seifer.)  
"For now, Fujin. You have to stay in here, alright?"  
Fujin nodded again. (Why do I feel like she's treating me like a child. /You are a child, that's why./ No, I'm not. I'm stronger than that. /Are you so sure? Cowards kill themselves, because they're weak and they can't handle the hardships of life. Like you./) She let the hard cold exterior meld with her flesh as she started to stare out the window again.  
Several days later, she was back to her normal lifestyle[well, as normal as it could get]. It seemed everyone around her was treading softly, as to not disturb her. Two junior classmen were staring at her, so she narrowed her eye at them and barred her teeth. They ran away quickly. Some were so obnoxious, that one came up to her and said she should've used a gun. When she returned to her dormitory, there was a note pinned to her door. She quietly read it aloud.  
"Fujin, at 1000 hrs, come by my office. We need to have a quick discussion about your next mission. -Squall"  
(Oh just fucking great! Another mission, and I'm about to explode if one more person tip toes around me like nothing happened, when something DID happen.) She looked at her watch, and realized she had enough time to take a short shower and grab a quick bite to eat before she had to meet the Commander. She blew out a sigh that made her hair shift out of her eye.  
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A/N: I know I'm absolutely horrid for holding onto this chapter, 'til I got some reviews. But hey, that's how it goes with me. I personally didn't like chapter four, so I didn't think you liked it either. I didn't think you'd want to read anymore of this shit anyways. *sighs* sorry, I depress myself in to thinking all my work is shit. Anyways, hope you like, review pwetty pwease. ^.^ 


	6. Isn't everything just wonderful?

Disclaimer:don't own 'em, Squaresoft does. Got it!? okay. ^_^  
  
Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter Six-Isn't everything just wonderful?  
As Fujin walked down the hallway to the Commanders office, people kept staring at her. By the time she got to his door, she had to count to ten and finally rapped on his door lightly. A quiet, "Come in." replied. So, she openned the door and found Squall looking over a folder with several papers hanging about. She stood in front and saluted him. He saluted her back and told her to relax. He then offered her a chair to sit in, which she grugdingly accepted. (I'm gonna be in here for hours....great...) He looked at her with a sideways glance.  
  
"First off, I'd like to have a word about the 'incident' with you recently...." She looked down at her hands in her lap for a moment. Then she looked back up and built her crumbling wall back up. She looked sternly at him for a moment with her eye. His face seemed to soften at her glare.  
  
"Fujin, I understand you've had to put up with a lot in the past. With Ultimecia, I'm surprised you made it this far. It hasn't gone unnoticed the way people have treated you, Raijin, and Seifer."  
"NOTHING DONE!" He held up his hands in surrender.  
  
"Hear me out. There were several threats made on the message boards, which we investigated AND stopped. The Garden is a mobile base made to stop sorceresses but also to protect people. People like you, who have been outcasted just because of past mistakes." He placed his hand on her shoulder as a comfort. She nodded silently.  
"So, Fujin. If there is anything bothering you, anyONE that is hurting you. You can come to me, okay?"  
She nodded again. "Now, for the second thing we need to discuss. Dr. Kadowaki, has told me that you wont give permission to be admitted. So, I'm ordering you to get some help from a friend of Doctor Kadowaki's, she's a therapist."  
Her mouth dropped wide open. Then the anger started to build up inside of her. She wanted to strangle him with her own bare hands for doing something she insisted not happen. (I don't NEED help!!)  
"The problem is....Her friend lives in Dollet. You'll have to move there."  
"NO! STAY" (nonoNoNO! They can't take me away from my home, my reality, my sun.)  
  
"Fujin! You *need* help. So, I'm sending you on a vacation. Doctor Kadowaki told me to let you bring Seifer and Raijin. Since, you need your best friends close to you in your time of need." She calmed down suddenly. (a vacation? I've never had a vacation...for the exception of running off to go on the quest to 'help' the sorceress. I am rather tired of running around. Maybe I need this.) She nodded her head again and quietly replied, "alright." He nodded in comtempt. "Tomorrow, you'll be getting all the details. A week from today, you'll be heading off for Dollet. Dismissed." She left as she was told.  
  
She walked towards the elevator and pushed for the first floor. She then sighed as she reviewed everything that had happened in her life, and how she ended up where she was today. (My life sucks. I know life itself is great, but mine just plain old sucks. I've tried so hard to be good, to be as 'normal' as any person can be whose like me. Maybe I wasn't cut out for a good life. I don't deserve it anyways. Why is Squall doing this for me? Well either way, they can't make me talk to this therapist. They can tie me down and everything, but they can't make me do anything I don't want to do. Right?) She got so lost in her thoughts that when she looked up she found herself in the elevator. When it released her, she walked all the way back to her room, contemplating whether this was good or bad. (I wonder if Seifer and Raijin know that we're going on a 'vacation'. I hope they wont be upset. Seifer was just getting settled in with his bitch and Raijin was getting used to all the threats. Which I may add were only 4 or 6 a day now.) When a 'ding' enamated, the doors swished open and she walked out. She thoughtlessly walked to her dormitory. (Just a little further, and I'll be in the safe temple of my room.) To think that the most pain usually occured to her in the so-called 'safe temple'. When she arrived in the security of her room, she strolled over to her bed. Then she flopped down, and breathed in the scent of her pillow. Snuggly soft! She breathed in deeply again, and cried lightly. No reason at all, she just started to cry. Maybe it was the fact that Seifer didn't care for her. Or maybe it was the fact that she didn't even care for herself. (Everything is fine. Everything is wonderful. Everything is fine, everything is fine...) She kept repeating the phrase over in her head. After a while, saying something over and over again, kind of loses it's meaning, doesn't it?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N:A vacation!!! Just what she needs....ohhh what shall I do to her there? mweeheeheehee. Well, I know exactly what I'm going to do. So, just give me some feedback, and you'll see what kind of tricks I can do. *smiles deviously* Laters, and review pwease. :) 


	7. Interlude-Pink Fuzzy Cuffs?

Hidden Feelings  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Interlude-Pink Fuzzy Cuffs?  
*Lia walks onto the screen sheepishly and looks around.*  
  
Lia: Looks like we have a fine audience today. A happy audience?  
Seifer: Most likely pissed audience. You don't update anymore!  
Lia: Well excuse me for having a life!  
Seifer: I have one too! You better update or I'll...*pulls out Hyperion and flexes his muscles menacingly*  
Lia: *drools for about five minutes until she snaps out of it and blushes* you'll what! If I go, then who'll write you up with all those whores, huh?  
Seifer: I'll get another writer. One whose better, one who'll write me up with Quistis. *purrs* I've read she's a tiger in the sack.  
Fujin: *comes out and stomps on his foot then runs away in tears with a razor blade*  
Seifer: Oh not again...FUJ! I WAS JUST KIDDIN'!  
*Seifer runs after Fujin*  
Lia: *sweatdrops* well...aren't they the cutest couple. Maybe I should have Fujin get hooked up with Nida....Hmm...  
*Nida runs in*  
Nida: Oh no you don't! I don't want to be involved with a suicide psycho. I can barely handle Xu!  
*crying can be heard that sounds like Xu*  
Nida: See what you did now!  
Lia: *shrugs* Hey, I was only kiddin'...plus I think one of my own characters would be better *winks::hint hint::winks*  
*yelling can be heard off screen*  
Zell: GET THE HELL OFFA ME!!  
Lia: *giggles* ZELL!!!! *squeels* Hello.  
Zell: Don't get all starry eyed....when am I gonna get an appearance!?  
Lia: *blinks* urm...never?  
Zell: *growls*  
Lia: Well it's based around Fujin and Seifer. It's a Saifuu.  
Zell: *whines* But you PROMISED!  
Lia: Well if you wanna be in it that bad. I could have you get hooked up with Fujin, if ya want???  
Zell: Nevermind *runs*  
Lia: What is up with guys and Fujin? I personally think she's beautiful. I mean, she looks great compared to someone like me....*pouts*  
*Fujin returns with unharmed wrists*  
Fujin: You really think so?  
Lia: Well YEAH!!! I mean...you know Seifer loves you. A hottie like him sees something special in you. And albinos are exotic compared to these blonde bimbos he hangs out with. You're bound to end up with him...  
Fujin: I guess you're right.  
Lia: I know. I know. *grins*  
Fujin: Now as for this Zell thing...No.  
Lia: *acts innocently*  
Fujin: I want Zell AND Seifer...together....  
Lia: *drools* me too.....  
*both drool as they picture Seifer and Zell both held down on a black satin bed with pink fuzzy cuffs*  
Fujin & Lia: Hehehehe....  
*Seifer comes back and looks at them strangely*  
Seifer: Freaks...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N: Okay, Okay...I know you hate me for doing this to you. I just made a lil' interlude. I really have no clue how long this story is. So there could be another intermission of pink fuzzy cuffs and drooling. :) I put this out just to get you to giggle a bit. Right now...writers block has attacked me fully. Well not fully...I've just been really busy with this project and...writing a SailorMoon fic....ohh..don't think I'm gonna post that though...Anyways Review please. Love you all! Laters! 


	8. Clouds and Smiles

Clouds and Smiles  
  
i really truly am sorry i've been away. I just want to thank Platinum Angel and Hitori Loire for stickin with it. oh and that anon reviewer who kinda yelled at me. but it gave me the budge. i started it back up. its not a big mover in the story, but at least its a budge.  
disclaimer: dont own it, dont sue. i'm already in debt cause of college. and i havent even started that yet.  
--  
  
Fujin let the door slip close behind her as she carried her dufflebag in one hand and her shuriken case in the other. It was quite early in the morning so not a lot of people were walking down the halls of the dormitory. She finally looked up from the ground to look out over the courtyard as she passed by. She saw only a few early morners jogging and talking to each other quietly. After a moment of watching she stopped and realized how badly she really did want to be apart of their world. Their normal world. She hardly realized the world around her was rushing past her ears until she found herself on her hands in knees. She got up and brushed herself off only to find Selphie Tilmitt with a bunch of banner paper and paint buckets. Selphie's eyes widened unusually large and started to apologize.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry Fujin! I really am. Oh Hyne. I'm really sorry, but I cant really see anything over this stuff." She moved the paper and buckets in a way to show Fujin, as if she hadn't already seen her overloaded arms.  
  
"HELP?"  
  
Selphie's face broke out into a huge smile and nodded appreciatively. Fujin smiled slightly back and was only able to take two buckets as her hands were already full. They walked to the Quad in silence until Selphie looked down at Fujin's bandages and gasped. "Oh, I totally forgot bout your arms. Are you sure you can carry all that?" Fujin looked down at her own bandages and nodded sadly. "FINE. REALLY."   
  
"Oh...well. so you're leaving today, right?"  
  
Fujin nodded again.  
  
"Well, dont be so long, okay? we'll miss you around here. I know a lot of people dont show it, but Fujin...you hold Seifer and Raijin together. Especially with everything that's happened. Also, you've been a great help with the DC. I mean, I heard you guys were in control before hand, but I've heard people aren't complaining anymore. But I'm rambling, anyways, when you get back...you could, if you want, help out with the Festival. Just so you know, you know...if you start feeling left out...you can come and help and take your mind off of things. you could even talk to me, if you want!" Throughout the speech, Selphie's face changed from smile to grimace and smile again. She showed her emotions so freely and Fujin was glad because she could too. If others didnt have to hide them, why should she?  
  
Before she could indulge more into the topic of feelings, she found herself at the openning of the Quad. Selphie turned towards her and gave her a big smile. They resumed their pace and Selphie started chatting away about how fantastic the Garden Festival was going to be this year and how Selphie was already planning the one for next year. This years Festival's theme was modelled after the Hogwarts Castle of Harry Potter. As Fujin surveyed her surroundings she realized only Selphie Tilmitt would be able to pull off a Festival made for people older than the should be age limit of Harry Potter as a theme. Fujin laughed softly and Selphie spun around and gasped. "You laughed! Don't you like it?"  
  
"It's...Funny!" Once again Selphie gasped, yet started to laugh as well. Soon she was showing Fujin around, passing the game booths (one booth had an arm wrestling machine with "Man or Slytherin" hanging above it), and entering the ballroom area. Selphie spun around on the floor and looked up. Several animal cut outs were dangling with different coloured ribbons on them.  
  
"So, what d'you think?"  
  
"GOOD."  
  
"cool, did you happen to wanna help me with the rest of the banners. I don't quite trust Zell with paint at the moment. I kinda told him the badger cut out he made looked a lot like a ferret." Selphie grinned but Fujin shook her head.  
  
"SORRY. LEAVE. SOON." Selphie's grin disappeared and she ran up to Fujin and hugged her.  
  
"I'm so sorry. For not, being there. I should've, you know, noticed." Fujin slightly patted her back and they pulled away. Selphie nodded and sniffed slightly. Then all of a sudden just as a cloud would, the frown disappeared and her sunny smile shone on.  
  
"Well, at least now all you have to do, is go away on a vaca and get better. You'll be back in no time. Happy again." Fujin tried to smile as best as she could but wondered if she was ever truly happy to begin with.  
  
--  
  
really am sorry again for the wait. 


End file.
